Saccharine Thoughts

Just want to share this article by one foul-mouthed badass via another . It's aptly-time, not because I'm blogging teary-eyed from a Kmart parking lot (I'm not) but because today I did reach the end of my rope. Tolerance for bullshit is shot, patience and resources waning, and faith in people at an all-time low because lately, they've proven to be a royally disappointing bunch.

Oh, how I have missed writing here. No excuses or apologies, blogging has just not been at the top of my to-do list. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure it hasn't made the list at all in a while; just been floating around my planner on a neon post-it along with last week's grocery list and a flirty barista's phone number.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count.

Last week was the first time in a long time that I've been able to just chill out and waste some time. Of course, time that you enjoy wasting isn't really wasted right? Especially when it's spent introducing one's boyfriend to a favorite video game? RIGHT??

You guys! Can you believe the year is halfway over already?! Well, 7/12 over, to be more accurate. 2010 has kept me oh-so-busy, but it has treated me oh-so-well. Let’s be honest: 2009? It kind of sucked. I dreaded going in to work at HomeAway each morning, as my job there had become utterly mind-numbing. I stumbled through two fickle, overdramatic attempts at dating. Throw in a roommate who bailed on a 14-month lease and a fourth knee surgery, and you can see why I was pretty ready to see the year come to an end. 2010 started off with a bang… and a clangor… and a crash, as I resolutely ended the second of ‘09s wavering relationships, and left my reasonably-well-paying employment... and benefits... and 4 weeks of vacation for the great unknown. During a recession. Whee! As it turns out, the Universe had much bigger things in store for me—I was unexpectedly reunited with a year-old crush over a game of pool which, nigh 6 months later, has blossomed into a fulfilling friendship and ...

Bioshock cake toppers A Big Daddy and Little Sister on top of a cake: Creepy? Yes. Awesome? Also Yes. WIN. via Offbeat Bride For those wondering what on earth I'm talking about:

...for they shall inherit the earth. And then make awesome parents. I mean really... have you ever seen a happier baby?

With the Texas Summer 2010 now in full effect, I have been on a major ice cream kick. I admit this without a drop of shame for my waistline, because when it's reaching the mid-90s on a daily basis down here in Austin nothing sounds better than something cold and creamy. Ice cream has always been one of my favorite indulgences, and it is quickly becoming one of my absolute favorite things to make. So many flavors! So many options! Toppings, toppings, toppings! Thus, you'll understand the utter appreciation I hold for my original Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker. Or, held . Until I saw this. You can go ahead and color me green... and blue... and orange with ice cream maker envy while I continue to spin my ice cream in my plain white maker. This moment trumps the moment I found an avocado green Kitchenaide, shortly after receiving my white one.

via Great White Snark Finally! The differences between nerd, dork and geek have been defined in an easy-to-read venn diagram, for all you visual learners out there. I like to think I fall safely into the geek category: brains + quirky interests, without the awkwardness. One can hope.

I have recently come to see that one of the hardest things for me to deal with is being misunderstood. Before you go calling me a melodramatic emo kid, hear me out. I am not referring to the no-one-gets-me, I’m-a-lonesome-snowflake-floating-in-the-dark type of misunderstood. What I am getting at are those moments when I have the best of intentions, yet somewhere between planning and execution something goes awry and someone I am close to reacts in a way unforeseen through my rosy specs. It may be so clear to me that my reasoning, my opinion or my words and actions are justified and may be the best way to reach an objective, yet the person on the other end just misses it. Maybe they can’t quite see past their own understanding and emotions to the grand scheme in my head, maybe I just haven't communicated clearly enough, or maybe my scheme really isn't so grand. Perhaps the people closest to me aren't used to anything but the agreeable and occasionally over-a...

In case it hasn't terribly obvious as of late, I have devoted a lot of energy and time to evaluating myself and my relationships with others. I have been trying to take a somewhat objective look at my character and determine which traits are healthy and which may not be, asking myself in the process: if I change X, how will it affect Y, and will that change me? Will I still be Christa if I completely alter how I manifest my emotions and interact with other people? Hard things to face, and neither my craptastic laptop nor my dog are providing any revelatory responses to my queries tonight. I think it's time that I ran this by someone other than my nonexistent blogging audience.

Patience and Faith are not interchangeable. One of them eventually runs out.

I recently had a discussion with a friend regarding faith - religious and otherwise. This topic was specifically inspired by her noting how much I invest in other people, while being unable to devote myself to a religious view. She asked some seriously great questions for me to ponder and eventually answer. This was a killer opportunity to learn from her ideas as she is strongly of the Christian faith, while establishing and organizing my own thoughts and beliefs. Thus I feel it appropriate to share, per her permission, with you. "People are self-centered by nature," she explained. "I don't put any faith in them. Being hopeful that they will respond to my love in kind is important, but it's about having the right expectations so that I'm not caught off guard by disappointment." This is something I intensely disagree with. While she loves and feels the need to help people, my friend finds all strength, recognition, comfort and encouragement that she needs...

Wouldn't it be grand if we could heal all the people we love? Comfort them with foresight and a guarantee of what's to come. Make them forget how they had been hurt before, forget how their hearts had been broken, forget the moment they learned to no longer trust. Stitch up where others had gone wrong and make them believe that it won't happen again. What does it take to slough off the callouses from such old scars? Scarring is the body's emergency freakout reaction to a wound - the result of an overabundance of white blood cells that lay a new bed of fibers to heal. It creates a thick, protective barrier that while effective in its use as replacement for damaged tissue, is far inferior to its predecessor. Scars do not grow, do not feel, barely live - they rather just kind of exists. Some scars run too deep to soften; instead the scar tissue binds itself to the muscle underneath, hindering its ability to function at all. I have come to think that learning to love, trust...

Hope is something innate in the human psyche, something imbedded in the brain that allows us to see a spark of sunlight on a dreary day. For me it is something that doesn’t just keep me afloat through the maelstroms of life, but that gives me reasons to smile everyday. However childish or whimsical this is it is how I have been wired; hope is my fuel. As I age I notice that thoughts, feelings, changes and decisions become more important and thus a little more frightening, yet my faith in the positive seems to hold strong. I have to ask myself now though, is there a point when the naiveté of hope becomes a hindrance? The Greeks personified Hope as Elpis – a childlike being housed with all the evils of the world in Pandora’s box. Elpis was the only item to remain captive when the other evils were released, and was said to have been set free when mankind could not manage the other evils without it. This begs the question: what on earth was hope – humanity’s antidote to despair...

I am absolutely awestruck at how much power a human touch can contain. Especially given the right touch, the right human; it has the strength to dismiss all negative feelings. Even if for a moment, it can make everything ok again. Over the past few days I have tried to push myself to do things, enjoy things and appreciate things. I have been trying to force the positive feeling that normally comes so natural to me, but to no avail. I’m worn thin from it; unable and not knowing how to handle anything I have started to feel almost delusional and find myself laughing just because it’s far better than crying, even if there is nothing funny. Last night that right touch from the right person did more good in a moment than I have been able to do for myself in a week, and I hate it. Completely, absolutely hate it. That contempt is the shriek of my pride. The stubborn side of me that swore I could make myself better on my own and obstinately tried to impose thoughts and ...

Here goes, you get to see a side of me I hate to admit exists. I have been sunk deep into a rotten mood for days, thus the lack of entries. Feeling less like myself everyday, it is so hard to dig oneself out of that without someone there to lend a hand, but I have to, HAVE TO, pull myself out of this on my own. I can’t count on others to make me feel like me again, no matter how badly I want to curl up on my end of that bright red couch with someone next to me. While I know that would give me the sense of comfort, hope and utter happiness that I’ve been craving, it is not what I need, because there won’t always be someone there to warm the couch cushions with me. Bored, lonely, badly lacking energy. Really sore, frustrated, tired of hauling 12 pounds of steel around on my leg, tired of strangers trying to hide their stares and failing miserably. Scared shitless of a possible infection in the large incision that’s still healing, and that my surgery may fail again with no real cause desp...

My Morning Elegance Where in me lies my elegance? My charm? The morningtime provides a time of innocence, that time when the light still barely peeks through my muslin curtains, before I’ve been polluted by the negativity of the outside world. It’s in that filmy state of mind when I’m truly me, made up of only my own thoughts. So what is it in the morning that glows through my being that makes the person lying next to me roll over and feel the immediate need to wrap his arms around me and not let go? Whatever it is, I can only hope I wear it throughout the day. There are those mornings when I feel it slip away as my bare feet touch the floor. Like waking from a dream, the sparkles fade from my demeanor. Those sparkles are what I fight for daily; to not lose them, to not let them be sucked from my smile by the monotony of the day. It is those sweet moments of beauty and hope that all too often get glossed over, those seconds in life that make me pause and smile that let me know it’s wo...

I woke up at 3 AM still in that filmy dream state of mind. I could have sworn you were lying next to me, playing with my hair and tracing my freckles with your fingers. Then I opened my eyes; my silly brain was playing tricks on me again. Ah well, bittersweet.

At least let's hope so. I began today with a 3-hour visit to an orthopedist and came out with a band-aid on my knee. Oh, the irony. I've actually torn my ACL, again, along with the lateral meniscus, again. Just when I was getting my balance back, climbing strong, making real improvements and feeling great about myself, I'm careless and take a fall that could have been prevented, or at least minimized. A rewind button would be really, really handy right about now, as I look gloomily at 2 months in an immobilizing brace, 4 months of physical therapy and 6-9 months off of climbing. Lame doesn't even begin to describe this impending year. Now I am seeking out the silver lining of the big dark cloud that just unleashed a downpour on my parade. Surely there is something rosy here, right? I'll have an allograph, meaning this time they won't be removing a tendon from somewhere else in my body to replace this one. Big plus. Hopefully it will speed recovery time, and lea...