You Should Know

I wrote a bit last week on defining love, and subsequently suffered a minor epiphany. A Runaway Bride moment, if you will (humor me here, and I promise to never reference a crappy late 90’s Julia Roberts movie again). While I know how I like my eggs and all that - over easy with cheddar and avocado, thankyouverymuch - it occurred to me that some people I consider near and dear to me, may not. This realization hit me like a 2x4 right between the eyes, because when one is in a relationship and a person becomes important to you, you find yourself wanting to learn the little things, like their preferred drink or favorite musicians, right? Thus, I started searching for defining things that I felt anyone close to me should be interested enough to learn.

I have seen a surge of this sort of thing in hilarious Tumblrs and while it may seem totally self-centered, I know no better way to recognize what you want than to list that shit out, amIright?? So, without further ado, your ChristaLou FAQ in which I define what I hope love turns out to be:

You’ll know that I drink gin in the summer and whiskey in the winter.

You’ll know that a good beer is at the top of my list. You’ll also know I probably shouldn’t have more than two if I need to be walking straight at the end of the night.

This being said, you know that I will occasionally have one too many and probably not enough to eat beforehand. Cut me some slack, and I’ll be happy to play chauffeur when it’s your turn.

You’ll be nice to my dog. She was here first and she kicks a lot of ass. End. of. story.

I hope you’ll to have a decent relationship with your family, but I won’t hold it against you if they suck. If you have siblings, I’d like to get to know them as friends. You’ll understand that my family, while quite small, is of utmost importance to me, and think it’s totally cool that I talk to my mom twice a week.

Holidays are be family time, I get that. Nonetheless, you must curl up with me, eat cobbler and watch The Muppet Christmas Carol and The Nightmare Before Christmas, or coal won't be all you get in your stocking.

You’ll know that little in this world makes me happier than being on a dance floor, and while you may not understand it, you’ll humor me if for no other reason than to hold me close and see me grin.

You’ll eventually find the spot on the back of my neck where your hand rests perfectly. When we hug, it’s both affectionate and protective, like I’m a precious thing you don’t want to lose (And you don’t; just ask my exes).

We will share an appreciation for Jim Henson and George Lucas productions as well as British gangster movies. I will sit through and heartily enjoy Dumb and Dumber just to spend time with you, and you’ll exhibit a noted tolerance for my taste in musicals and habit of bursting into showtunes at odd times.

Sometimes I’ll bring you breakfast to the office as an excuse to watch you work, because you’ll care immensely about what you do and I find that *quite* sexy.

Face scruff. I love it, you’ll have it, even if only on the weekends so I can nuzzle you.

Weekends were made for getting out and doing stuff. Even if it seems utterly ridiculous, you’ll be able to see the fun in almost anything as long as we’re doing it together. Mini-golf, dancing, picnics, running through the Butler Park fountain fully clothed – you’re my partner in crime baby, let’s have fun!

You’ll know that my worst days at work result in result in my wanting nothing more than to curl up in your lap on the couch for an hour; this could also include alcohol or ice cream, but words are not necessary. Just wrap your arms around me.

We are in agreement that pants are not necessary on the weekends. In fact, clothes are completely superfluous unless we a) have people over, b) leave the house or c) cook bacon.

I do not communicate in similes, nor do I read People magazine. Please don’t expect me to get along with women who do just because we have similar reproductive organs.

You will read. A lot. And maybe have different tastes in literature from mine, mostly so that we will never run out of books to excitedly share with each other.

You’ll hold my hand when we’re walking into the grocery store, but you’ll offer me your arm if we’re out together because we’re classy like that.

You’ll like food. You’ll be health conscious, but not to a crazy extent because I make damn good ice cream and I can’t eat it all by myself (Ok I could, but that’s less fun). You won’t smoke. You’ll like good beer.

You’ll know that Iron & Wine, Death Cab and The Frames make me swoon, and you’ll use that to your advantage just to see me doe-eyed.

I like to wear stockings, heels and chokers; therefore, you’ll have a thing for stockings, heels and chokers.

It's not always your responsibility to get me off, and vice versa. However, when we can make it happen at the same time, let's do. And definitely expect a high-five afterward. Teamwork baby, teamwork.

The Saturday morning game of Outlast the Girlfriend when the animals are restless/hungry/needing to pee is cute and all, but I get to win every once in a while.

I will make breakfast at least once every weekend because it’s one of my favorite things to do. I will try to keep it interesting, and you’ll know better than to take it for granted. The day you do will be the day I serve you a cat shit omelet.

We will go on dates to the bookstore and troll the aisles for books whose bindings are worn and pages dog-eared. We will sit at coffee shops, not because either of us specifically likes coffee but because evenings on the deck at Mozart’s are dreamy and it’s an excuse to sit quietly and get lost in each other all over again. We will spend evenings curled up together in the corner booth of a dimly-lit pub sipping on local brew. This is after you’ve kicked my ass in darts and let me win a round of pool.

You’ll know that when I say “I’m awfully fond of you,” it translates to “I’m having a moment that reminds me of how crazy in love with you I am.” I hope you’ll have those moments too; please feel free to share when you do.

Our home will be ours and will be AWESOME, because it will look definitively like both of us. If this means my geek art has to hang next to your Metallica poster, I’m totally down for that. Hell, I’ll dry-mount it for you just to avoid to thumb-tack approach to our wall art.

Long car rides produce interesting, intelligent conversations through which I get to learn even more about you, which is wonderful even when we don’t agree. They can also result in ridiculous, nonsensical conversations-turned-inside-jokes that make others stare and make us both laugh until we have to pee.

50/50 custody over the Xbox. No exceptions.

You’ll know better than to ever refer to me as a bitch in any context, and should you use the word “fuck” in regards to me, it may only have one meaning.

I have an extensive appreciation for cheese, and you will appreciate the fact that I keep no less than three blocks in the fridge at all times.

I will seek to learn something new about you every day, because you’ll delight and intrigue me just by being you.

I’ll accept my status as “one of the guys” and usually enjoy time spent with your friends - I’m always game for camping, video gaming and spending an entire Sunday watching Star Trek with you all. However, I’m not just one of your buddies. I am your woman and I need you to be excited to spend time with just me, too.

You are not my missing piece or better half, and you will not complete me. I am whole and awesome, and so are you - that's why we're together, right? While it may have a profound effect on my life, being your girlfriend/partner/wife will not be my sole defining role. We will enhance each other’s lives, encourage each other in our endeavors, support each other through grief, and inspire one another to be the best people we each have the potential to be, so if you start quoting Jerry Maguire I'll punch you in the nose.