Strength in Surrender

I am hurt, and this is not the kind of pain I can find pleasure in. I understand why things are necessary, but going back and forth on this bumpy ride is about to make me sick. I step down quietly, feeling discarded, and say yes, ok, I understand, whatever you need. That is just my nature to be so compliant, so submissive, such a good girl. Always aiming to please, just holding out secret hope that someday it will pay off and I will get what I crave: gratification, the approving pat on the head. To be spoken for, to have claim staked, to have someone stand and say yes, she's mine, thanks for asking. To me, it doesn't end now. It's part of the game, which isn't a game at all. Yessir, No sir... I'm in time-out for someone else's issues. It is my choice, right? Yes it is, and because of that I can stand and say it's bullshit. I want what I want and I will either get it or I won't, so tell me now whether it is time to hang on for dear life, or just let go.

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