Transformation Challenge

Things have changed considerably since I mapped out my game plan here. My course has suddenly shifted like the walls of a labyrinth and the obstacles are not things I will be able to push out of the way, so my goals must change accordingly.

Lucky for me one of my favorite blogs started the iCing Transformation Challenge on Sunday, and I am actively taking part. Time redefine these goals and reroute my path to get to them.

So much for dance lessons, and for strengthening my climbing ability. For the next month I’ll be focusing on strengthening this leg in preparation for reconstructive surgery on March 5, in hopes that fortifying it now will help in rehab and lessen the inevitable effects of atrophy later. Stretching, leg lifts and other ergonomic exercises every morning and why not crunches while I’m at it, since I won’t be too capable of doing much along the lines of cardio for another 3 months. I’d still like to do my best to lose about 10 pounds, so cleaning up my eating habits is where that is going to have to start.

While surgery is going to cost a pretty penny, I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to pay it out and still be able to work towards better financial stability. For now I’ll refocus on saving and see where I’m at once my deductible is met and a payment plan is in place. Thinking I’ll have to call on my parents for help, both monetary and advisory, in reestablishing a budget around my debt-free goals. School is also taking a fall on the priority list, as it is another pricy little privilege. I’ll aim to finish NTR311 by summer, and hope to take 2 other classes by the end of the year but won’t be heartbroken if that doesn’t happen.

Soon I’ll have plenty of sitting time to devote to reading, writing and artistic endeavors that I’ve put off. Continuing with my blog, practicing and learning with my camera, and drawing and painting more will take the place of climbing for a while. The desk may have to wait, but its planning won’t and all the other little projects will get done by the end of April.

It’s only been a week since I finalized my goals, but I’ve found more, much more pressing things to add. I have weaknesses to work on to make me into the person I really want to be. I have to learn to communicate better. While it’s something I’ve recognized I’ve taken so few steps towards actually making it happen, so now I know to do that, I need to better know what I want to communicate. I need to define my wants – daily to lifelong wants. Establish my set of beliefs; not religious, but perhaps moral. I have terrible tendencies toward apathy that cleverly disguise themselves as open-mindedness, and because of it I sometimes feel a bit empty. It’s not usually that I’m really on the fence or can see both sides, it’s that I’ve been too lazy learn both sides and really commit to one thing or another, and it’s time for that to stop. I need to also examine my feelings further – define them, understand what provokes them and express them straightforwardly.

I want to be much better friend. I may be known for having an open ear and soft shoulder, but because of my ill-defined beliefs and standards, I hardly have any input. I want to be more proactive in spending time with my friends, getting closer to them and learning about them. I want to be more outgoing to newer friends, and more involved when and where I’m welcome to be. I want to be stronger for my friends – I don’t push and I don’t hold them accountable like I should. My best friends have pushed me to be a better version of myself, and I should be doing the same for them. These are things I realize I have to work at daily, and I’ll failures to learn from milestones to recognize on my way to making them a part of me.

As much as I hate to admit it, this injury will be a blessing in disguise because it will be yet another lesson in humility for me. I’ll have to lean on my friends (literally and figuratively) and keep my chin up, practice and strengthen the patience and optimism that usually comes so naturally to me, and find the determination to make it work.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change we seek. -Barack Obama