Changes
The winds of change have blown hard this season. Wafts of good, gusts of bad, and tempests of whatthefff...?? Change can be tough, especially for a planner like me. I like to follow my self-made maps and timelines; I make to-do lists for the sake of checking things off, one, two, three. If I am not working toward something, I’m just not happy. This, by and large, is why I haven’t written anything in months, and nothing worthwhile in over a year. 2011 – you have been what we call a rut.
Yet, when significant changes come about all at once, I find it easier to just let go and drift a bit on the breeze. A lack of control over changes can in turn be met with a lack of a plan: no productivity toward a nonexistent goal equals no stress. Uncaring, unanchored, unfeeling; merely existing. For a little while, anyway.
Change is hard because it forces us out of a planned, comfortable normalcy. By this logic, change is really the best catalyst for growth. After having drifted aimlessly for a while, the challenge of a change is starting to sound pretty appealing.
This year, changes have hurt, they have disappointed and frustrated to no end. They stretched me to my limits, and here I stand – straighter and stronger, but different for sure. Perhaps a little less whimsical, much more reasonable and grounded. A bit less trusting, but far more independent. Certainly less saccharine, but with more sincerity and passion than I knew to exist in my little being.
Don’t be surprised if these changes are reflected here in content, design, and maybe even title. I am not so sure that Saccharine Thoughts will remain standing, as it may not be the most appropriate channel for the things I have to share. I will continue writing and sharing though; I must – it’s all I know.
Today, I celebrate my ascent into my late twenties. I consciously use ascent and not descent, because it marks the beginning of a movement up and out of the life I had been shaping which will, I’m sure require a vast amount of work on my part. There’s nothing downhill about the journeys I’m facing. All I can ask of the next half of my twenties is change. Please, bring me the new, the challenging, the adventurous. Give me opportunities to grow, to learn, and demand more from me than I’ve ever put forth. I have so much to give, I must be used up.
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